My Husband ❤

I am going to give you an account of the ordeal I went thruogh when my dear husband was diagnosed with lung cancer. We had been married for forty four years. Ours was a wonderful marriage with two boys. He was a good husband, very committed to the family. He was a person who was very particular about his health and appearance. He was only a social drinker and had never even held a cigarette in his entire life. A couple of months after his seventieth birthday, in early March 2013, he almost had a fall but broke his fall by holding on to a big plant. He did not experience any pain initially but as days went on, he began to have some pain on his back. After visiting a couple of doctors, finally I took him to a Medical Centre where, after some tests, I was told., that he needed medical treatment immediately. Incidentally, my hubby n I were very close n what he was going thru affected me very badly. Therefore, seeing me in the condition that I was, the doctor did not disclose the actual situation. Series after series of tests were done by which time it was clear that he was suffering from lung cancer. My whole world came crashing when it was officially made known . to me. According to what was discovered, he had had a mass in his chest which was secreting done fluid into his lungs. I was shocked beyond words. I was angry with God for getting him into this condition when I, from the time that we had got married, had daily prayed that my husband should not suffer from any serious illness. I felt cheated n felt that my prayers n observance of religious practice…. had all gone to waste. I was shattered. He was admitted in hospital for three months though not at all stretch. He would b discharged n after about a week or so later had to b back in hospital. His lungs would b filled with the secretion of the fluid from the mass n he would find difficulty inbreathing n walking. After the fluid was stringed out, he would b a little better, tho not for more than a few days. A tiny hole was bored on his back thru which this was done. I went thru hell seeing him suffering like that. He had been such a health, handsome man who in the forty four years of our marriage had never fallen sick to the extent of lying down on bed, except for a running nose. For such a healthy man, to be diagnosed with this deadly disease was something which I could not absorb, more so as he was not a smoker. During the three months that he was in hospital, I never left his bedside, even tho the doctors insisted that I should go home n have a rest. They were amazed at the way I took care of him. Slowly, day by day his condition became worse. It pained my heart so very much to see him like that. I stopped praying. I was angry, very angry with god, seeing him suffering like that. To see my handsome husband, a man who was adored by everyone for his looks, was now so thin, lost his cheerfulness n looked so lost. The month of June 2013 was the worst month in my whole life. His condition deteriorated day by day. On 19 June 2013, there was a crowd of about hundred people in the room after , ,the doctor announced that his condition was getting worse. The beauty of this wonderful man was that he smiled n spoke, tho it was not very clear, to each n everyone in the room. That night I was alone with him in the room. Seeing him gasping for breath made my heart shatter into a million pieces. I cried n cried n wished that I too could go with him. All thru my life with him I had never for even once, thought how life would b without him. That moment I suddenly began to fear how I was going to face life minus him. We had been very close n he had been such a loving husband. On 20 June 2013 at 7 am, the doctor told me that he was almost at the end of the road. Just after she left he slowly opened his eyes n gave a look which is still so vivid in my mind. It was a look which conveyed all that he had in his heart which only I would understand. Shortly after that he was gone, gone forever. His death left me
shattered to the extent of me attempting to cut my wrist. U may not believe it but I saw a vision of him at that moment n I knew that he did not want me to do that. However, I was in very deep depression for almost a year. I shifted from where I was to b nearer to my son though not living with him. A few days before he passed away, he told that I should live on my own for as long as I can. That is what I am doing now. Though he is no more with me, I can feel that he is keeping a close watch over me. I have his photos in every nook n corner of my house n I even have a photo in my car. I talk to him daily. Life has to go on until the time comes forms to join him.